Running taught me valuable lessons. In cross-country competition, training counted more than intrinsic ability, and I could compensate for a lack of natural aptitude with diligence and discipline. I applied this in everything I did.
-Nelson Mandela
Many of us envy those who seem naturally brilliant or beautiful or inherited tons of money. We think that, if only we were more like them, we too would be living an amazing life. While it’s true that our inherited genes and how we are raised affect our being in some ways, the harsh yet empowering reality is that most of our success and happiness is our responsibility.
Tom Brady is a well-known testament to the power of hard work and discipline over “natural talent.” He did not play as a freshman in high school, and it took him years to earn the starting spot in college. He was drafted in the sixth round of the NFL draft and again had to work his way up - this time up from fourth-string quarterback. He didn’t have the most physical talent, but he did have incredible discipline and persistence. Even down to his stict anti-inflammatory diet, he worked hard to achieve unprecedented career longevity and success.
We cannot control our inherited genes, but we can control our mindset and habits. The greatest humans are not natural-born athletes, leaders or entrepreneurs. Instead, they wake up every day and choose to be great. They don’t lay in bed all day or act like a jerk because they didn’t sleep well. They don’t drink alcohol or smoke weed everyday when they know they could be spending that time and money on bettering themselves and helping others. They don’t let other people tell them they aren’t good enough because they have an intrinsic sense of worth.
How to cultivate discipline & hard work to set you up for success:
Set goals and stick to them.
Every time you set a goal and follow through with it, you reinforce success. Every time you set a goal and give up, you reinforce failure. So set attainable goals and commit to reasonable habits, then stick to them.
Remember: it’s never too late to learn something new. In fact, lifelong learning enhances our self-confidence and the way we perceive the world around us. It keeps you young by improving brain health and evoking curiosity. So, whether you are 20 or 80, do not underestimate the value of learning something new or challenging your current paradigms.
Example 1 (new habit/routine): If you want to start meditating daily, start with three minutes every morning. If you start with 20 minutes and stop one week later when you have a busy morning, you will increase the likelihood for future failure when setting new habits. Once you stick to your three-minute meditation for a month, you will feel momentum to make other positive changes and can then decide to increase the time or add an evening session.
Example 2 (long-term goal): You want to learn Spanish...great! Instead of simply diving into online learning materials, write out a plan. Ask other people who have self-taught a foreign language how long it took them to do so - then add two months. Aim to practice a certain number of hours each week (rather than each day), since life will inevitably get in the way. Announce your plan to your friend group or on social media so that you have some accountability. To really raise the stakes, you can plan a trip at the end of your estimated learning time so you have a tangible reason to stick to the timeline. If you have no fluency by the time the trip comes around, you have to cancel it.
Example 3 (quitting something): You want to stop smoking cigarettes. Do not decide one night and then go cold turkey the next. Give yourself a month to quit from the day you decide to do so because, if you fail the first time, you are much more likely to fail on your second and third tries and potentially be a smoker for life. If you make a “tapering” schedule over the next month and cut back slowly (i.e. first to one a day, then to one every other day, the weekends only, then none), you are setting yourself up for success.
Do every task with integrity.
If you are constantly complaining about your day job, waiting for the day you finally launch your own business or land that gig as a NatGeo photographer, you are setting yourself up for a lifetime of disappointment. Successful people do every task with presence and integrity. This includes menial tasks like washing the dishes or sending an email. Are you messy? Are you present? How you do anything is how you do everything. So take pride in your work and chores, even if you want them to look differently someday.
Do not make excuses.
Excuses are for complacent people who will stay stuck in patterns for a lifetime and die without accomplishing their dreams. If purpose and accomplish are not important to you, there’s nothing wrong with that; in fact, it might result in more stability and “normalcy.” But, for those of us who crave meaning and progress, we need to stop making excuses - because it will set us up for a life in which we always feel stuck.
You think your lack of money or health or success is your parents’ fault? Not true. Some of the most successful people of all time came from traumatic childhoods. I used to blame my “sensitive stomach” on the fact that my mother was unable to deliver me vaginally or breast feed me. That kept me stuck in a victim mindset where I resented her for no fair reason. I had to own the reality that my diet and lifestyle was a huge contributor to my gut issues. Once I took action to resolve these gut issues, I felt empowered to make other positive changes in my life.
It’s not your parents’ or your boss’s fault that you are broke or sick or depressed. With emerging research on epigenetics, we now know that lifestyle is much greater determinant than inherited genes on gene expression. In fact, only an estimated 25 percent of the variation in human lifespan is determined by genetics. That means you have control over your health and likelihood of disease.
This is great news and translates to control over your overall success and happiness as well! Just because your parents were not athletic or creative or adventurous, that doesn’t have to mean the same for you. If you decide you want to be smarter, healthier or wealthier, it’s absolutely possible with (1) belief in yourself and (2) commitment. You can’t have one without the other because, like every great athlete or creative knows, visualization and affirmations are only a complement to hard work. You must stay focused and disciplined to achieve your dreams. However, if these dreams are truly important to you, it probably won’t feel like much of a sacrifice. When living an authentic and purposeful life, you will attract others doing the same. Best of all, you will be able to love these people on a whole new level because you will have already established your own values and sense of worth.